What a whirlwind week!

There's a lot to cover but instead of doing one giant mega-update, I'll do a bunch of smaller updates more frequently. Let's start with the big news: I'm now married! Yay... I guess?

I say 'I guess?' not because I question my commitment or the love Teresa and I have for each other but because of how I view the institution of marriage in general.

Everyone has their own idea of marriage, what it means, how important it is, etc. For me, I have long seen marriage as just one of many traditions handed down to me that warrant a closer look rather than blind acceptance. For starters, the history of marriage isn't pretty in many cultures and basically reveals that men treated women terribly, essentially like property, to forge alliances, etc. (to marry for love is actually a very recent change and still not a worldwide phenomenon).

Additionally, when I read about the divorce rates worldwide I remain unconvinced that marriage actually has any meaningful effect on whether that couple will stay together or not, which debunks the whole 'marriage as commitment' idea. And let's not get started with the whole commodification and commercialization of the marriage industry.

So knowing about all this by the time I reached high school or earlier, I grew up largely indifferent to the idea of marriage. It basically became not about having some super magical day where I would finally make a lifelong commitment to my partner, but more about the various financial and institutional benefits it offers. This year, it made sense to take advantage of those benefits.

So, to be clear, I love my wife and our little cat family. 💯 It's true that marriage didn't really add anything so much as legalizing a commitment we had already made to each other, but at least now we can file taxes together and I don't need to worry about setting up an advanced care directive as urgently...

And of course, I'm grateful for all the folks who came out and spent the day with us and for the tasty food and the gifts people gave us. 🙏😇 We only wanted a small celebration, mostly for our parents, because we're planning something else on our own...

A wedding celebration the way we want it

What I'm actually excited for is a celebration of our own designs — one which we are planning to do on our land ideally in 2027 (but possibly later depending on the rate we can get infrastructure built). The wedding day we just recently celebrated was originally going to be purely administrative but it expanded at the request of our parents and we obliged for them. But still, very few of my family and friends were there. The more complete celebration with everyone is still to come. 😊

It's still just an idea and not something we have started planning in depth yet, but the broad idea that I want to contribute is to create powerfully connective family experiences (and I mean 'family' here in the broader sense of not just blood relatives but all the people in your life who matter to you and who you'd like to be closer with). Maybe it's even something we'll offer on a regular basis because it's that important.

Imagine a day of bonding (and healing where needed) with family and friends through various fun activities. I've long sought to bring people closer (the intentional community dream is rooted in such a desire) but I realized I wanted to include it as an intention of my own marriage ceremony after experiencing walking around New York City as a married couple on our wedding day — everywhere Teresa and I went, people would smile and congratulate us, wish us the best, say we look beautiful and such. It was quite an experience to have so many strangers treat us that way, and I felt then and feel now like everyone should have that experience on a regular basis.

The only difference is that the experience I create won't necessarily be about the physical compliments ("You're so pretty!" etc.) because those can tend to reinforce the idea that one is only beautiful when dressed up in fancy clothing with fancy hair, nails, jewelry, and makeup, which is not great. But it is healthy to simply give voice to the appreciation we have for the people in our lives, and to help people grow closer through shared experiences.

Most of the activities will likely support people's well-being in some way, whether through movement and exercise or mindfulness practice or simply helping people ground and connect to themselves and nature.

This is one of my ideas of a perfect wedding day, at least. I'm not really into a day that largely focused on me or my partner; I want a day for everyone.

Stay tuned for updates — there's lots more to come. 🤙